i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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