Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
