me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
