I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
