Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize