grandma shit on top of the toilet
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
