Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
