pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Randomize
