i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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