Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
