i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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