I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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