You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
