i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
