I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
