Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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