my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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