is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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