I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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