I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
