"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
