pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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