Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
