Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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