I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She's the barista slut.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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