Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
