I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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