Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
