the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
