I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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