I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
