Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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