By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
