My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
