ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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