I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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