So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
