Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
