dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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