I want to walk on stilts...naked
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
