Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
