I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
