there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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