I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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