I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
