Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
