well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
