I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
