i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
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