Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
