First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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