I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
